My Rambles

Around six that evening, when the doorbell rang, Eshan was busy getting things ready for the evening’s party. Wondering who had turned up so early, he grumpily went to the door. It was Nathan. “I’m here to help you,” he said with a smile. “How much can you possibly do all by yourself.” Holding forward a single rose that had a long, slender stalk, he bowed dramatically. “Congratulations. For now, you could stop being jealous,” he sneered. Eshan knew that the emphatic ‘all by yourself’ was hardly intentional, but it bothered him.

Eshan was an illustrious writer staying in Delhi and Nathan was his twin brother based in Mumbai. They shared nothing in common barring their birthday. Eshan was fair, had dark brown hair and a slight build, he had inherited his green eyes, delicate nose and mouth from their British mother. Nathan on the other hand was dusky with charcoal black hair and built like a bull. His piercing gaze, chiseled jawline and cheekbones adjunct with his herculean frame put him in the league of Greek gods. Eshan had a ponderous demeanor while Nathan always appeared amused like he possessed a secret which no one else did. 

They were each other’s playmates and partners in crime as kids. They ate, laughed, and even cried together and were inseparable. Nathan was an extrovert and he excelled in athletics, academics, and other extracurricular activities. His confidence coupled with his jovial temperament made him popular in school as well as neighborhood. While Eshan was his brother’s equal in academics and an exceptional writer, his accomplishments were always overshadowed by his gregarious brother. 

The comparison was inevitable amongst siblings of the same age. Gradually all the praise and attention to Nathan started bothering Eshan and made Nathan little cocky. This further piqued Eshan. The envy started spreading its roots and the fissures in their relationship gradually widened. The bond built from the womb got eroded with each day. 

Life took them their separate ways and both through their talent and hard work made a mark in the world. Eshan went on to become an acclaimed author with many bestsellers to his credit and Nathan a top-notch investment banker in Mumbai. The physical distance suited the mental distance.  

Today, Eshan had thrown a party to celebrate the success of his latest novel and his 30th birthday. He had sent a customary WhatsApp message inviting Nathan to his party but wasn’t expecting him to turn up, especially from Mumbai. Parents were the only thread left binding them together. The bonds of childhood had faded away in the fetters of envy which had since then been replaced by feigned indifference.  

Nathan had not only shown up unannounced and being his true self had not failed to irritate Eshan within seconds of his arrival. The rose was Nathan’s way of fooling with Eshan, unmindful of the effect it had on Eshan. In his teens, Eshan had composed a poem and given it along with a rose to a girl he liked. The girl had admonished his advances cruelly. The news had become public and he had become the laughing stock. The ridicule that followed had made his life miserable for months to follow. 

Eshan being an over sensitive kid had taken it acutely to his heart. He could never laugh off that incident and consequently had never permitted himself to fall for another girl. Therefore, innocuous ‘all by yourself’ had perturbed him. 

Eshan ignored Nathan’s jibe and opened the door wide to make way for him. Eshan sullenly got busy with his party preparations and Nathan just sat in the living room with a smile. Eshan wanted to talk to him but could not bring himself to even wish happy birthday to Nathan. They were twins after all and had celebrated numerous birthdays together while growing up..when they were still young and innocent.

The guests started trickling in and Eshan got busy entertaining them. Occasionally he would glance at Nathan and would find him standing or sitting by himself and just looking at him. This further irked Eshan. 

‘Why has he come at all if he didn’t mean to talk to me. Why is he behaving like a guest and not having any food? Does he expect me to offer him?’ thought Eshan. 

He was the star and the host of the day so he was surrounded by people all the time. When he found a moment, he looked for Nathan, Nathan was nowhere to be seen. He seemed to have left without even an adieu.

Eshan was annoyed both with Nathan and himself. Why did he have to be such a jerk and not even talk to Nathan when he had made the effort to come and how could Nathan leave without even telling him?  

The next day, Eshan was woken up in the wee hours of the morning by a call from his mother. He had slept late after the party and was drowsy, he heard his mother weeping over the phone. She said something about Nathan and he was not sure if he had heard her right between her sobs and his yawns. He was wide awake now and sat down trying to make sense of what was being said. He pieced the conversation together and gathered that something had happened to Nathan and he was serious.

He promptly booked the next flight to Mumbai and rushed to the airport. He barely managed to catch the flight. When settled in the plane his thoughts again went to the conversation. Apparently, yesterday evening when Nathan was going to the Mumbai airport to catch his flight to Delhi for the party, he had met with an accident. He was in comatose (coma). This was preposterous and impossible as Nathan had been present at the party. Eshan was befuddled and could not make the head or tail of the conversation. If his mother had been more coherent on the call, he would not have had to go on this wild goose chase, thought Eshan irritably. 

On landing in Mumbai, Eshan again called up his parents to be sure of what he had heard and what he thought he had heard. 

As he entered the hospital, the antiseptic smell of the hospital, the tension in the air, and the sight of his parents waiting for him in the lobby, gave him the reality shot that he probably needed. Tears started flowing through his face and his limbs gave way. He again looked at his parents who were walking towards him, he realised he had to be strong for them. He wiped off his tears, composed himself, and went to meet them. 

He found out that Nathan’s car had collided with another car around 5 PM the day before, very close to Mumbai airport. Nathan had suffered head injuries and had fractured his left arm. He had been brought to the hospital immediately and the doctors had performed multiple surgeries which had lasted over 8 hours. He was on life support and doctors were waiting for him to come out of the coma. His parents had tried reaching Eshan but Eshan had not answered their calls the day before. 

Eshan was filled with remorse. It had been years since he had had a proper conversation with his brother. Sitting alone in the hospital, he reminisced of their childhood memories. When they were 10 years old, Nathan had not eaten anything for two days when Eshan had fallen sick with jaundice. Nathan had been his defence from all bullies in school. As he drowned deeper in the whirlpool of memories, their laughter of football games rang through his ears, he caught a whiff of ripe guavas while stealing them from their neighbors’ gardens, he felt the sweetness of their loot and almost felt the fury of his mother on his cheeks. Involuntarily, his hand went up to his cheek to soothe the sting of slap and he smiled for the first time since waking up that morning.  

The fear of losing Nathan and hours of solitude made Eshan admit for the first time how his envy had scarred their love and taken the joy from his life. After all these years, acclaim and success as an author, the envy probably had been replaced by pride which had prevented him to rekindle their relationship. Relationships like plants need periodic care and if left to themselves they can wither out. Nathan’s visit to his party had given him hope but sudden exit had left him crestfallen. Probably he had imagined Nathan yesterday, conjectured Eshan.

The time in hospitals advances at its own pace. Seconds seemed like minutes and minutes like hours and hours like lifetimes. 

After what seemed like many lifetimes, the nurse came and told Eshan and his parents that Nathan was out of danger and had gained consciousness. They could meet him briefly. 

Their faces lit up, they hugged each other tightly and rushed to the ICU. Eshan’s withheld tears could not be restrained anymore. He entered the room with a steady stream flowing through his cheeks. He inched closer to the bed, Nathan’s head was covered in bandage and his left arm was cast in plaster. His eyes were closed. 

Eshan’s eyes fell on a rose lying on the side table. The walls seemed to close on him and he held on to the bed to avoid collapsing.

‘The patient was clutching it tightly when he was brought to the hospital’, said the nurse following his gaze. 

‘Sorry I had to leave early brother”, Nathan opened his eyes and sneered.