My Rambles

My knees were trembling and I was pacing up and down the hall, constantly shaking my hands to dispel that nervousness.

I woke up earlier than usual, surprisingly alert without even my usual cup of coffee. Today was the day of Area Evaluation contest where I was supposedly a participant.

In the qualifying round for the Area level contest, the winning candidate withdrew, leading to my unexpected participation in the Area Level contest. I felt like an imposter.

I have always been afraid of public speaking so much so that have always tried to escape every such occasion. I would have called it an opportunity if I had seen it that way.

A couple of months back, I decided to face my fear and joined a Toastmasters Club, a non-profit global organization that provides a safe space to hone public speaking skills.

I am part of an online club and have participated a few times via Zoom, which is not the same as walking up to a stage to face a live audience. And mind you I was still terrified for those speeches.

Owing to unexpected serendipity, I ended up being in the Area Level Contest yesterday. I was really scared and was in two minds about turning up for the event itself. Still unlike old times, I decided to be courageous and take it up like an experience.

As per the format, all contestants were required to deliver the speech with minimal preparation time and without any crutch like a deck, though were allowed the piece of paper where we had made our notes in those 5 mins.

While in the holding room, I waited for my turn with bated breath, even thought of running away while there was still time. My heartbeat was pacing and my legs were trembling, I was thinking of all possible means to relax and control my anxiety.

I took deep breaths multiple times, I ran through all tongue twisters and I also pushed my legs to keep pace with my heart, hoping that they will be too tired to even tremble.

My name was called, and I entered the room, I saw the audience and fearfully walked up to the MC to shake hands and take the baton in the form of Microphone.

It was an unknown audience however I did have my clutch, my friend whom I had persuaded to accompany me. I looked for him and there he was ready to record the speech with my second biggest fear, camera.

I started speaking as it was a timed delivery but had no clue where to look, I was avoiding the camera, the audience, and the screen where I was visible.

With my shaking voice and trembling legs, I spotted a compassionate face and locked my eyes on him for the rest of my delivery.

Even then, I lost my train of thought, fumbled and committed other rookie mistakes but I managed to get through it.

Surprisingly, I am off to the next level and am supposed to participate in Division level contest.

I still feel like an imposter but having faced my fear once, feel much more stronger to do it again.

Fear is like darkness, it lasts only till you enter it and then your eyes adjust to it.

Face your demons to make them weaker. What is your biggest fear?

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